I have lost 163.2 pounds. Which puts my current weight at 217.8 pounds.
It is 42.8% of my starting weight.
For those who have seen my pictures and were wondering… I am 5'10" and 36 years old.
I have been overweight my entire life. My parents and siblings were/are all overweight as well, by varying amounts. One year ago, I was the heaviest of the 5 of us and had been for several years. My family estimates that I was 4 years old or younger the last time I was a healthy weight for my height and age (I'm betting that I was 14 or so the last time I weighed 217 pounds!). Currently… taking into account my height (my only brother is the only one taller than me)… I am probably the second smallest. I have a couple of sisters that weigh a few pounds (less than 15) less than me, but they are also a few inches shorter than me.
Anyway. On April 20, 2014, I decided to join a gym. I also went grocery shopping for some healthier food. This was the day I count as the beginning of my weight loss. I also took a selfie in the mirror of my bedroom as a "before" shot. On Monday, April 20, 2015… I took another photo. Another selfie in the mirror of my bedroom. I then compiled them into a collage and posted it as my profile pic on MFP. Here is that picture.
For interests sake… I also shared the following facts: In the picture on the left, I am wearing a size 5x shirt and 4x pants. They were clothes I had to buy online because no stores carried sizes that would fit me…. even the plus sized stores didn't carry sizes that large. The the picture on the right, I am wearing a size large shirt and size 14 pants. They were clothes I bought at the mall in "normal sized people" (meaning not plus sized) stores.
I also finally bit the bullet and shared that photo on Facebook. I have resisted sharing anything about my weight loss on FB. I have made allusions to the fact that I am running now. And I have occasionally added updated pictures, but I have never said anything about my attempts to lose weight. However… with the updated pics it became obvious long around Christmas time that I had lost a decent amount of weight. So, it was hardly a secret anymore. So, I shared my one year progress photo on FB. It got 79 "likes" and about 40+ comments. My uncle is currently in a rehab facility recovering from a surgery that they almost refused to do because they were pretty sure he wouldn't survive it. He is doing well, but is very weak and because he's a big man, he didn't want his wife to have to deal with it if he were to fall. So he's staying there until he/they are sure he can take care of himself properly. But he keeps himself occupied with his iPad and spends a lot of time on FB. Apparently he was so impressed with my photo that he shared it with his recreational therapist, his physical therapist, and his nurse. And they all commented (under my uncles name) as well.
One of my MFP friends said something on her news feed that I am the most inspiring person on MFP and that if anybody wasn't friends with me… they should be. And my MFP account exploded with friend requests!
With the barrage of questions from my FB friends both in the comments as well as through private messaging, and the fact that I have a whole bunch of new MFPals, I thought it would be a good time to re-introduce myself and address some of those questions. I even opened up it up on MFP for my friends to ask me anything and I would answer it on my blog.
But first… let me give you a general background of why I made this decision in the first place.
I grew up believing in the concept of CICO (calories in< calories out) when it came to losing weight. I absolutely believed it. The ideas of demonizing certain foods or macros never made the slightest bit of sense to me when it came to weight loss. I also grew up with the mantra of "moderation in all things." I didn't follow it… but I learned it. So in my mind… that's what losing weight was all about. Eating less calories. And moderation with all foods. I got very frustrated with people who would try all these fad diets… including low-carb ones. I tried to tell them they were wrong. But I also knew that they would look at me at think "yeah, right. Like I'm going to take advice from her! What the hell does she know about losing weight?" It didn't really bother me. Because I knew I wasn't trying to lose weight.
My weight never really bugged me. It was something I've always had to deal with… for as long as I can remember. So, I was never aware of my weight holding me back in anyway. It was just a fact of my life. Kinda like the fact that I had blue eyes. Is it possible that unconsciously I made choices (like choosing sedentary hobbies) because of my weight? I suppose. But it was unconscious. I never felt like my weight was a problem. I never had any health concerns because of my weight. I was aware of the potential, but it had never been a problem for me, so I didn't waste any energy worrying about it. Or trying to change it.
I was working a graveyard shift and often watched movies or TV shows to keep myself occupied and awake during my shift. I had just finished a TV series and was looking for something new. I knew that a couple of my co-workers loved those weight loss shows like "Biggest Loser" and "Extreme Weight Loss." I had found a website that allowed me to watch old episodes of various TV shows for free. And out of curiosity (because of everything I had heard my co-workers say) I started watching an old season of "Biggest Loser." I liked that it portrayed people with a significant amount of weight to lose. I get impatient with those informercials that parade around people saying "I lost 20 pounds!" I would roll my eyes and silently think "Please! Twenty pounds? You wouldn't SEE that on me. Come talk to me when you've got someone who's actually lost a real amount of weight!" So, I liked that about "Biggest Loser." I also liked that they did it all through diet and exercise. No surgery. No pills. And when they would talk about what kind of diet they suggested it was "whole grains, lean meats and dairy, and lots of fruit and veggies." That made sense to my brain of "moderation in all things." I also liked that when you got to the finale and saw the finalists… they actually looked thin. Instead of just "less overweight" than they were. Yes, there are things I didn't like about the show too. But all those things encouraged me. I liked seeing that it was possible to lose significant amounts of weight with nothing more than diet and exercise and it suggested a reasonable diet of moderation and not crazy fads. I started wondering if I could do it. I knew I wasn't going to lose my weight as fast as they did on that show. I understood that they were basically spending their entire day exercising. And that they were going extremely hard. I understood that basically losing weight was not just their job… it was their life and their hobbies while on the show. They didn't even have family contact/activities to distract them. I understood all that. And because I understood all that, I also would not expect that kind of weight loss for myself (at least not in that short of a time period). But the principle could still work. That was encouraging to me.
Then I started seeing articles pop up about weight loss (probably targeted advertising. I had been watching a weight loss show… it might be something I was interested in). I would read them. And I would read the comments. And I would get so frustrated with all the ideas out there about what it took to lose weight. How could people be so stupid!? And of course I had co-workers who were constantly on a diet. And they were always on some sort of fad diet (low-carb, HCG, etc). They could never stick with it for very long. And even if they did lose some weight… it never stayed off. I would try to tell them… but again… what did I know? Feeling encouraged by "Biggest Loser" and frustrated by my co-workers and the morons on the internet… I finally decided maybe I ought to put my money where my mouth is (so to speak) and prove them all wrong by sheer example.
What finally kicked me into gear? I think I woke up one day and just said "Why not? Just do it."
So, with that introduction, here we go with the questions:
When you started, did you stay on track most of the time? Were you to the point where you had had enough and you were going to conquer this, no matter what? I feel like I am ready to conquer this, but then I let food take over again and lost it over and over. Any suggestions that go you through that? I am also a big sweet eater, did you have that problem and if so, how did you overcome that?
I never set firm limits or boundaries for myself. And I never made any foods off-limits. So to say if I "stayed on track"… I don't know how to answer that.
With 200 pounds to lose… I knew that I was going to have to make a lifestyle change if I wanted to lose it in the first place. This was not something that some 30 day diet was going take care of. Forget about keeping it off… I was going to have make a lifestyle change if I wanted to lose it in the first place! So, I started slowly. I knew if I threw myself into it whole hog… that I was going to get overwhelmed and burned out. There was just so much to do. I had the most sedentary lifestyle you can imagine. Zero physical activity whatsoever. I ate crappy, high-calorie, highly processed food and lots of it. I would drink 32 ounces (minimum!) of Dr. Pepper every night at work. And I snacked on chips and candy all night long. And I ate because I liked food. It never had anything to do with hunger. It never even had anything to do with emotions or comfort or stress. I just ate because food was there and I liked it.
So to start with… I mostly focused on making exercise a habit. I knew that would be the easiest thing for me to change. I tried to "watch" what I ate so that I didn't sabotage everything I had just done at the gym… but I did not count calories. And like I said… nothing was off limits. So with only one thing to focus on… yes, I stayed on track. Once I felt comfortable with having made exercise a part of my life… then I turned to food. I picked the next easiest thing for me to change. I think I just started trying to make healthier choices. Eat more fruit and veggies instead of candy when I was snacking at work. Again, I did not count calories or really even pay attention to portion sizes. And notice that I was simply trying to eat more fruits and veggies… not cut out my candy entirely. So, yes, I stayed on track. Once that became routine for me… then I would go to the next easiest thing for me to change. And I would work on that. One small change at a time. It wasn't until several weeks later that I finally got onto My Fitness Pal and started really tracking my calories. And by then I was already comfortable making healthier choices and watching my portion sizes. It was several months even after that that I bought a food scale and started really tightening up on my portion sizes. With that approach of not setting firm limits/ boundaries and not making any food off-limits and only making one small change at a time… staying on track was actually fairly easy for me.
Yes, I was a sweets eater. But even more than I liked my candy/cookies, etc… I hated being told what to do! I have huge control issues. I don't like anyone telling me what I can and can't do. So, since this was something I chose in the first place (losing weight)… I would force myself to do it myself. Because eating less sweets (or eating less in general) was far easier for me to take than to accept someone (anyone… including myself) telling me what to do. As I ate less sweets, my cravings for it diminished. I could go days without it and even when I did have some… I found myself being satisfied with much smaller amounts. So, my sheer stubbornness carried me through initially until my body/appetite adapted and I didn't want it as much.
What were some of your biggest setbacks and how did you eventually overcome them? Do you find yourself struggling to define your style when getting a new wardrobe? What did you expect to like as a person when you lost the weight that didn't happen? Have you struggled with friendships along the way and how did you go about making new friends if your old ones didn't support you?
I anticipated my setbacks before I even started and I made a plan to deal with it.
"This is taking too long/This is too hard"--- I had undergone a whole different kind of overhaul previously. It took 5 years before I finally got to point where I was felt like I was comfortable with where I was and I could go into "maintenance" (for lack of a better word). It was intense for those 5 years. Weekly appointments. Prayer, sweat, and tears. Unbelievable amounts of pain (not the physical kind). I did the math… if I can lose 1-2 pounds a week, it would take me 2-4 years. I realized I could do that. 2-4 years? Pshh! Childs play! Too hard? Pshh. I've dealt with worse pain than any workout (or hunger pangs) can produce.
"This is not working"--- Again… I would go back to that previous overhaul. There was a time when I really felt like it wasn't working. That actually I was in worse shape than I was when I first started. I wondered why I was even bothering to try if this is where it was getting me. But I also knew that if this is where I was when I was trying… imagine where I'd be if I wasn't!
"I just don't care anymore."--- I am not a goal oriented person. Inevitably I would just decide I don't care about this goal anymore. And I would give it up. But I do care about the kind of person I am. So that's what I made this about. Yes, I want to lose weight. Yes, I have a "goal" weight. But this has never been about losing weight. It's been about what kind of person I want to be. That is always something I care about. It's not something I give up on. That kind of thinking also carries me through when the scale doesn't move like I think it should.
The thing I struggle with with the new wardrobe (as far as style is concerned) is getting used to the idea that I can wear clothes that are a little more form fitting. I've always avoided anything form fitting because I didn't have a form to fit! But now I can get by with it. And I think it probably looks better too. That kind of came the first time I had to buy new clothes. I decided to buy clothes that were a little tighter than I would normally like in hopes that it would last me longer (with 200 pounds to lose… I was going to be going through a LOT of sizes). So I kept doing that. But over time I felt like it looked better to have them a little more form fitting. I am a girlie girl. I love shopping. I love clothes. I like looking nice. So while I have always loved shopping… I can have a heck of a lot more fun now trying on clothes. Sometimes I just try on clothes just for fun. Because now they fit. But in doing that… I discover that I can pull off things that I've never been able to pull off before. My tastes are pretty much the same. But now I can actually wear those things that I like but have never been able to pull off (or never felt like I could) before. It's not a struggle… it's a heck of a lot of fun!
I'm not sure I understand the next question. I never expected losing weight to change me at all. Except for physically of course. I never expected to develop different hobbies or different tastes. So, there is nothing that I expected to like that I don't. However… there are things I didn't like that I now do. Like running. Like celery and green peppers.
I must be lucky. Because I have not encountered any friends not supporting me. The very idea is foreign to me. I have amazing friends and an even more amazing family. They have supported me every step of the way. Even when they give me a rough time about "you're no fun anymore," it's said in jest. But I don't expect that support has to look like participation either. I have never expected them to join me in working out or expected them to eat like I do. So that may have helped.
I'd like to know what drives you when progress is slow. Did you formerly have self-sabotaging behaviors like comfort eating and if so, what are your ideas about dealing with that issue? How would you classify your current relationship with food as opposed to your former relationship?
As to what drives me… I think I covered that above when I said it was never about losing weight. It's about who I want to be. Yes. I want to lose weight. And because I'm normal… yes, it gets a little frustrating when the scale doesn't move the way I want it to. But because the important thing for me is about the kind of person I want to be… I don't let it stop me. I don't keep going because I want to be a 180 pound woman… I keep going because I want to be the kind of person that takes care of herself instead of mocking those that do because I feel guilty. I want to be the kind of person that eats normally (in terms of amounts and content). I want to be the kind of person that gets regular exercise. I want to be the kind of person who lives life on her feet instead of from the couch (that's huge reason why I want to run).
I was never a comfort eater. Or a stress eater. Or someone who "eats their feelings." Nor was I binge-er. But I like food. And so I ate it. Because it was there. It didn't matter if I was hungry or not. It didn't matter the time of day. It didn't matter the emotions. If there was food there that I liked, I would eat it. So that is something I'm still dealing with. Portioning out my food in proper portion sizes and putting the rest away helps. Keeping healthier/lower calorie food available helps to. So when I do want to just "munch"… I choose apples rather than candy (for instance). I'm also learning to pay attention to how I feel. And I find if I eat too much of certain types of food… I feel lousy. So then it becomes less appealing to me to keep eating.
I feel like my relationship with food is pretty healthy right now. If I want something I eat it. I don't demonize foods. I don't deprive myself. But I do try to make healthier choices and I am learning what foods my body likes. I never tell myself (or anybody else) that "I can't have that. I'm on a diet." A couple of weekends ago, all the girls (even the little kids) went on a walk together. We ended up at a convenience store and everybody ended up buying some sort of slushy or ice cream. I did not. My 8 year old niece asked me if I couldn't have any because I was on a diet. I told her I could if I wanted to… but I chose not to. It took her a minute to process it… but I loved the look on her face when she got it. "So, you just choose not to?" I hope she remembers that as she grows up. That she can do whatever she wants… but she can also choose not to... even if everybody else does. It can apply to so much more than just food!
I would just love to know your story! What was your weight loss impetus? What worked for you and what didn't? What wisdom can you bestow on those hoping for your level of success? How has this changed your life?
I think I've actually answered most of those already. I knew myself pretty well when I went into this. So, I made a plan that fit my lifestyle. That fit my personality. And that addresses those potential setbacks. So, to say what doesn't work… I don't know! This is really my first attempt at losing weight. And my plan from the very beginning has worked for me. However, I will say this. I'm a creature of habit. I knew this in the beginning. So creating habits and routines is VITAL for me. And finding ways to keep that going even when I travel or during holidays, etc. So that I never get out of it. I may consciously chose to take a cheat day. And that's okay. Because it's a conscious choice. But I try very hard to keep the routine going as much as possible. When I went down to visit my sister over New Years… I had a plan for getting my exercise in while I was down there. Then I woke up the next morning to several inches of snow and sub-zero temperatures. That threw a wrench into my plans for getting a workout in. So I had to make other arrangements. I went out and shoveled for one. For another I asked my niece to put in the Wii dance workout on for me. Then another day I pulled out my sisters step stool and did steps with that. Anything to get my heart rate up for 45 minutes! And then when I went home on New Years Day… I drove past the gym even before I went home to find out what hours (if any) they were open that day. They were open then, so I drove home, changed into my workout clothes and went back to the gym before I even unpacked my car. Because I wanted to make sure I kept myself in the routine.
As far as wisdom I can bestow… that's one of them. Create some habits and routines. Those will carry you through when motivation fails. And it will. Motivation will fade! Expect it and plan for it.
The one other thing I want to get across to people is the power you have inside of you! In this world of food addiction and calling obesity a disease…. we have equated our weight problem as akin to an alcohol addiction. And that would be fine… except we have accepted certain theories about addiction recovery as gospel truth when it's really not. For instance… we have accepted the idea that we are powerless. Indeed in AA we teach people that they have to admit they are powerless if they ever hope to recover. SOOOOO DANGEROUS! No! You absolutely have the power to change yourself. I don't care if you are an alcoholic or a drug addict or a porn addict or a food addict. In fact I don't care WHAT you are or what problem you hope to change! You have the power to change! You have the power to choose! Addictions are powerful… yes. Overcoming them is hard… yes. I get it. So much, I get it! But inside of you always remains your ability to choose. There are skills you can learn to make it easier. But it is learnable. And you always have that ability to choose! I believe in God. I do. But I don't believe it's necessary to believe in God, nor turn over your entire will over to Him in order to change your life. If the 12 steps and beliefs of AA work for you… GREAT. Keep at it. But never let anyone tell you that it is the only way! Never let anybody tell you that you are powerless! Your power is greater than you know! Your body will 100% obey what your mind tells it to. It applies to running and exercise in general. It applies to food. It applies to alcohol. It applies to porn/sex. Once you make up your mind… the game is over! Because your body has NO choice but do obey. The key is keeping your mind made up! And there are skills you can learn that will help you with that.
I apologize about all the exclamation points. But this topic more than anything else is what I get passionate about. And for those who want more information about those skills… private message me. I am more than happy to share them with anyone. But please never underestimate yourself. Believe in yourself.
You are almost half the size when you started a year ago; have you unconsciously adjusted this this yet? I mean like spaces where you may have once turned sideways to maneuver between things, do you still turn sideways?
Yes and no. There is part of me that is STILL wondering if my body will ever change! But every once in a while I discover things I can do that I didn't used to be able to do. Then I start to wonder about something else… "If I can do this… I wonder if I can do that." The thing I notice the most is the those student desks where the desk and chair are connected as one unit…. those were the bane of my existence in college. I could barely squeeze my body into one of those things. And now I slide in easily. But I discovered the other day that I can actually sit down in them full on then swing my legs under the desk rather than having to slide in sideways. I don't ever remember being able to do that! Sometimes I see small spaces and I purposefully try to walk through them straight on… just to see if I can. So, is it an unconscious adjustment? No. But I do find myself trying things rather than just doing it the same way I always have.
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