Tuesday, April 22, 2014

The Journey Begins

I went to a marathon once to cheer on one of my friends who was running as the "legs" part of a wheelchair team. The acronym G.O.A.L. was all over. I eventually learned it stood for two different things. One it stood for the name of the association who organized the event. Greater Ogden Athletic League (or something like that). The other things it stood for was the motto of the event… Get Out And Live. It was the only time in my life I have ever liked the word GOAL. And I have chosen that mantra for the basis of my blog.

This is a weight loss blog. Yeah, I know, like there aren't enough of those already out there. But this one is for me. I'm a strange sort. I do not want to have a friend or a family member as a workout buddy or to lose weight with me. In fact… I would prefer that my family and friends have no idea what I'm doing until all of a sudden, they realize…"hey, have you lost weight?" I have a tendency to lose all motivation the second someone tries to "cheer me on." No matter what it is I'm doing. I may still do it… but all of a sudden I feel like I'm doing it for them. And I start to resent it. And then it's not long before I abandon it all together… out of a sheer perverse determination to maintain control of my own life.

I know it's not healthy. It's something I'm working on. To realize that just because someone else thinks it's a good idea… it can still be my idea. And if I thought it was a good plan… it probably still is… in spite of the fact that my family thinks so too!

But I'm not there yet. And so, this is my way of holding myself accountable and being accountable to others…without having to enlist the support of my family.

I tried to lose weight once about 9 years ago or so. Cleared out my house of all junk food. Started counting my calories. Joined a gym. It was going well. My face was starting to thin out a bit. My boobs were shrinking slightly (that pissed me off!). My jeans were not exactly falling off of me, but I was starting to be able to just pull them off without having to unbutton and unzip. I think I was aware of having lost about 15 pounds. I was really enjoying the gym. I was very lucky to have found an excellent one right off the bat. I was able to hit the gym at least 5 days a week for about an hour and a half each time. I had access to their trainers who had set up a workout routine for me. I was really getting into a routine. Things were going well. Then I changed jobs. Relocated. Relocated to a tiny little town that didn't had a gym of any kind. Hell, there wasn't even a school in that town so I could run their track. I totally lost my routine. And I'm such a creature of habit that routine is vital for me. And I fell back into my bad eating habits. And there went my motivation. Of course I gained all that 15 pounds back… and then some.

And here we are now… Nine years later ready to try this again. Moved out of that tiny little town that sucked the very life out of me. This is the very beginning. And I'm trying to pace myself. With all the weight I have to lose…. we are looking  at at least a 2 year process to get to my target weight. And then we have to keep it off! So, this has definitely got to be a lifestyle change for me. A quick fix fad diet is not going to do it. So, I'm trying to pace myself. Start with small steps. The first step is to get into a workout routine. I just joined Planet Fitness today and am looking forward to starting my first workout. If I can get back into a workout routine… that will help a lot. And honestly, that will be easiest part for me. Once I get into a routine… that will be something I'll end up actually looking forward to. The diet part will be the hard part. So, we are starting small by trying to introduce more fruits and vegetables into my diet. And not only that… finding a way I can enjoy them. Then we will go from there. When the time comes, I'm going back to counting calories. I don't set store by cutting out certain food groups from your diet. Not to mention… the deprivation of my favorite foods would surely be setting me up for failure. By counting calories it will be all about portion control.

I have absolutely no clue how much I actually weigh. Normal bathroom scales won't go that high. I figure I'm somewhere between 350 and 400. If I were to guess, I would say 370-ish? Sometime over the next week or so, I'll try to get a "before" picture. As soon as I can find a scale that will measure me, I'll find out what exactly my weight is. But for now… I'm not too worried. I've got a long way to go. And besides…. the number on the scale will not be the only number I'll be monitoring.

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