Longing for Daylight

It is so time for the days to start getting longer so I can do my runs outside. I'm starting to hate the gym. And I don't want to.

My personal opinion is that it's time to change up my workout routine. Shorter more intense workouts. No treadmill. I would love to only be going to the gym 3 days a week for weights and maybe some steps. Maybe. And make the other three days running days.

Daylight Saving Time starts on March 8th… That will give me an extra hour in the evenings right off the bat. Wake up a half hour earlier… and I should be able to get in my run in daylight hours. I'm hoping I can hang on for that long.

Post C25k Run = SUCCESS

There was snow forecast for my city this past Saturday. Which is hardly a big deal. It is February after all. And it is Northern Utah after all. But we have had such a beautiful and unseasonably warm winter so far. I don't think we've seen snow at all since New Years. And Saturday has become my day to run outside. When I saw snow forecast for the morning hours during which I would most likely be taking my run… I wanted to cry.

Luckily, the snow held off until later that day. It was a bit chillier than it has been… but otherwise, beautiful. So, I bundled up for my first post- C25k run.  Everybody I asked had different ideas, but the general consensus was that since my ultimate goal is distance… then it might not be a bad idea to spend a little bit of time upping my distance before I did the 10K plan. So, I set out on Saturday to run… but with no program. No real plan for what to do except just go longer than the 30 minutes. And that's what I did. I kept going for the full 30 minutes. Then I kept going. And I kept going for as long as I could. I wasn't trying to be a hero. I wasn't trying to prove anything to anybody. Even to myself. And I was careful to pay attention to how I was feeling so I didn't push myself too far too soon. But without a plan… I just kept going. The fact that I was on a (very slight) downhill stretch for the last 10 minutes or so probably helped immensely. But I went for about 40 minutes, I'm guessing. I probably could have gone longer, but I came upon a huge hill. I tried jogging up it… but I think I only lasted 15 seconds before I slowed down to a walk. I'm not sure of the exact distance. But I'm guessing it was about 2.9 miles before I stopped. I was very satisfied with that for the first run post C25k.

But what thrilled me even more is that I found myself enjoying it. That downhill stretch at the end probably had something to do with that… but I was loving it and I was feeling good rather than constantly wondering when it was going to be over. And that's what I've been waiting for all this time was to get to the point where I loved it. I was excited when I realized that the possibility of snow made me want to cry… simply because it would have moved my run to the treadmill. That was huge for me to realize how much I preferred being outside. It made me feel more like a real runner. Then when I was was able to just keep going and not be counting the minutes until it was over, that was even more exciting. And when I realized that I was actually enjoying it… and not having to focus solely on putting one foot in front of the other… that was a breakthrough. Because that is what I've been wanting out of running. I wanted to learn to love it.

And now I'm excited for next Saturday when I can get outside and run again. I'll change up my route just slightly to avoid that huge hill and see if I can make it the full 3.1 miles. I am loving the idea of being a runner.

Laugh For the Day and a Question

So, here's your laugh for the day.

I was on my way out the door to go to the gym when I almost literally ran into my sister and her roommate coming in the door. (I live with my sister… but I rent the top half of the house and she lives in the basement. We share the kitchen and the laundry room, but that's it. So, while the roommate is a friend of mine… she actually is my sister's roommate, not mine.) The roommate (Li) asked me "will you please take piss and vinegar with you?! (referring to my sister)" Apparently she'd been "on one" today. And my sister did recognize that she's been kinda sassy and a jerk. I asked her if I needed to take her to the gym with me and work some of that sassiness out of her. She hates the gym. HATES it. But after telling her it was weights day and promising she wouldn't have to get on a treadmill, she agreed to go with me for a half hour. She drove separately because I go for longer than that.

She was quite athletic in high school and took some weight lifting classes herself. One year she was voted "most muscular" in the yearbook polls. She has forgotten more about weight lifting than I've ever known. So I gave her the option to do her own thing or she could follow me around and do my routine with me. She said would follow me. "If I did want I wanted to do, I'd be sitting in front of a movie with a bowl of popcorn." She's lightly active when it comes to her everyday activities… but she hasn't done any exercise (either cardio or strength training) in years.

So I walked her through my routine. She kept up with the weights I put on for myself… but she didn't add anything heavier. And I think in a couple of situations, she struggled more than I did. She said periodically that she was going to be sore. That she was using muscles that she has never used. After we got done with weights, she had about 2 minutes left before she told Li she would be home. So, she did 2 minutes of the steps with me. I asked her before she left if she was going to be nice to Li now. She said yes. I told her if she wasn't… I would bring her back here tomorrow.

When I got home I asked her how she was feeling. She said she was okay but that she came home and told Li that she was never going to be mean to her again! I told her I changed my mind though… I wasn't going to take her back to the gym, I was going to make her run with me. Tie a rope around her waist and make her keep up with me on my run tomorrow… which is the last week of C25k. I think that scared her worse! But Li loved me. She started singing "What a friend we have in Jesus" and substituting my name in there.

Speaking of C25k though… now that I'm entering the final week of it… I'm trying to decide what my next move is. C25k takes me to where I can run for 30 minutes. But that isn't long enough for me to actually finish a 5k with my speed. So, I'm wondering if I should go on my own for a few weeks/couple of months and gradually increase my miles and time until I can actually go for a full 5k (3.1 miles) and then move on to the 10k running program. Or should I just go straight into it?

I'm not worried about my speed. I know that will come with more miles and better fitness. But would there be an advantage to actually be able to run a 5k before moving on to the 10k program? Is the distance important or is my 30 minutes sufficient? Any thoughts?

On Becoming a Runner

I have decided that I want to be a runner. 

I'm not sure where that came from. I don't know why I chose being a runner as opposed to any other sport or weight lifting. I just know that's what I want to be. I've already stated that I want to run a marathon someday. But this is more than that.

I want to love to run. I want to be one of those people who feels at one with the pavement. Who feels at home there. Who gets their best thinking done when running. Who deals with stress or anxiety or worry by "running it out."

I already love walking. Maybe not to quite the same extent as I've just described… but close and getting there. And I figure if I already love walking… then loving running is really just a matter of time, miles, and improving my fitness. Where running becomes just as easy to me as walking is.

 

It's coming. I can keep myself awake for hours dreaming of running. Of planning my training sessions. Of dreaming about different routes I can take. I am living for the spring. Not new for me as I loathe the winter with all the energy of my soul. But the reason I'm living for spring is for the warmer temperatures and the increase of daylight hours so I can take my running outside instead of the treadmill. This winter has been beautiful and unseasonably warm, so I've started doing my Saturday runs outside. And this past Monday, I walked to the gym… using that as my warm-up and cardio time instead of driving there and getting on the treadmill. Monday is a weights day… so I don't want to just skip the gym altogether. And I'm not loving night running during the winter because even though it's been beautiful lately… the nights still get a little chilly. So, I'm still hitting the treadmill on my running days. But I dream about the return of Daylight Savings Time and the longer hours of daylight… when I  can skip the gym altogether on those three days. 

I visualize myself as a runner. I'm thin. I'm athletic. And I can run a respectable pace. Maybe not a fast pace… but a respectable running (jogging) pace. In my mind, I see myself as those runners in magazines and on running websites. I don't see myself as 246 pounds and slogging away at what is really more of a brisk walk than a real jog. Which is where I'm at now. But that's okay. Because I have to start somewhere. And at least I'm starting. I saw a quote on Pinterest that read "Dead last trumps did not finish, which beats did not start."And that's what I'm doing. I'm starting. And since I'm a believer in The Secret… I believe that my visualization of myself at where I want to be instead of where I am is a good thing. 

And I believe that I can get there. 

*Note: When I was typing this blog, the emotion and passion I was feeling seemed to lend itself to a different format than I usually write in. I try to keep my fonts legible and my formatting easy to read. It's part of what I look for in blogs. So I sincerely apologize is my "centered" formatting throws you off. If it's a problem, let me know and I can reformat it back. 

Misc. Photos

Among other things, for Christmas, I received a few gift cards for places where I could buy clothes. Any money I've saved by eating less, I've spent (plus more) on buying new clothes as I shrink out of them rather quickly. The gift card to Target was spent on workout clothes. Which, I love… by the way. Somehow I feel thin and athletic in these new workout clothes.

It's not a great pic… but I
particularly like the look
of myself in profile when I'm
in my workout clothes. 

When one of my friends on MFP requested updated pictures, it was pics of me in my new workout clothes that I wanted to post. It actually never happened. But I did take them. They aren't brilliant. Selfies never are. But here you go.

Ignoring the arm of
my roommate who was
adjusting the light for the
pictures… this is one of my
favorite shots. One, this was
not posed. My sister just
managed to capture this
moment. And two, do you
have any idea how long it's
been since I could cross
my legs like that!?

Next up are pictures of my latest hair color job. It seems like everybody really likes my hair long. And I admit… I do too.  I'm supremely lazy when it comes to fixing my hair. If it takes longer than about 30 seconds, it won't happen. And I loathe having hair in my face. Like any at all. So, I have to be able to pull it back. So, having it long seems to be the best fit for me. I usually go blonde when I color my hair… but having lost 135 pounds, I decided I could probably rock any hair color I chose. So, I chose brunette with copper highlights. A more drastic change than I've ever gone before. And I love the way it turned out. So, the day after the salon visit, I took some time to do my hair up cute and put on a nice outfit and I asked my sister to take some pictures. She's really a pretty good amateur photographer as she has an eye for good shots.

And finally… there is a picture of this little pin that says 100 on it. The hot guy at the gym gave it to me. Apparently he sells Herbalife and this is the pin you get when you've lost 100 pounds. I have never done Herbalife. I have no idea what it is actually. Nor has he ever tried to sell me on it… or even brought it up. But he gave me the pin as a way of saying good job and keep it up.

The whole pin thing is very reminiscent of AA. Which I'm extremely morally opposed to. So, there is a part of me that wants to toss that thing! But the part where it came from the hot guy at the gym… Who really has been one of my biggest cheerleaders through it all...yeah. I can't toss that. So, it is pinned to the little pouch that holds my earbuds. I use those earbuds everyday. And I take that little pouch with me to the gym and when I come home, it goes in my purse so I can take them to work and use them in my laptop. That way, it's still highly visible to me. And I can appreciate the sentiment behind it. But its also inconspicuous.

I've had a lot on my mind lately about this whole process and my thoughts and feelings and beliefs about the whole thing. But now that I'm taking the time to actually write out a blog post… my mind has gone blank and I don't know what I was going to say. So, you get the picture post. And hopefully those thoughts will come back to me.

Trying to Figure Out My Body

Saturday was my first day of Week 5 of Couch to 5k. It was rough. Not gonna lie. I did it… but I thought I was gonna die. My positive thinking mantras were only carrying me so far. After I got done with that I got on the steps. I usually do 25-30 minutes on steps on Saturdays. I made it 10 minutes. I was dizzy. I had a headache. I was miserable. And I was done. My determination had reached it's end. I was done. I went home and immediately my sister could tell something was wrong. I told her how I was feeling and she asked if I needed some food. I wasn't particularly hungry, but the dizziness and overall lack of energy was telling me I probably did. So, I had made myself a couple of pieces of toast with peanut butter and honey on it. I wanted something that would be easy on my stomach. But I was thinking I needed something besides just pure carbs. So the peanut butter fit the bill. And then I crashed. I took some ibuprofen and some melatonin and slept for the next 4 hours. Got up, took a shower, and ate again. I was feeling functional by that time. Not quite 100%, but functional. Spent the afternoon running errands. Came home, ate again, kept myself occupied for a few hours and went back to bed (you may want to remember that I work a graveyard shift and had gone straight to the gym after work on Saturday morning). I ate into my exercise calories on Saturday. Which rarely happens, but I think I needed it that day. I personally took the lack of energy and dizziness as a sign I wasn't eating enough.

Sunday is my rest day. I still take a 30 minute walk around the neighborhood, but that's it. And I did okay. Not quite my fastest pace… but certainly nothing slow about it. But, my TOM hit that day and it hit with a vengeance. Killer cramps and by that afternoon, absolute exhaustion. I started to wonder if my dizziness and such from the day before were nothing more than PMS symptoms. Because of the way my schedule works out on Sunday with church meetings and such… I usually have a hard time getting my calories in on Sundays. I really only have one formal meal that day. This was no exception. I finally made myself some bread with peanut butter and honey on it again just before I went to bed just  to get myself up to 1200 calories.

I  was expecting to hit the gym Monday morning and be back to normal after two days of rest. I had a little bit more to eat pre-workout than I normally do, just in case. I did okay through the warm-up and the weights. I started off at a lower intensity on the steps. I wanted to work myself up to it rather than going all out the first round. That was doing pretty well for me, but near the end I was starting to feel tired and a little icky again. So, I cut off the last two rounds of steps and headed for the treadmill to finish off. Yeah… mistake. Started getting dizzy again. I don't think I even made it 10 minutes on the treadmill before I was done. It's frustrating to me. I kind of pride myself on the fact that I "kill it" at the gym. I may not be the fastest or the strongest… but I give it everything I have. And two days in a row of having to cut my workout short is really frustrating to me. But I keep telling myself that this is important to me that I be able to keep working out. And therefore I don't want to do anything stupid that could hurt me. So I tried to tell myself that if was really struggling… it's better to take it easy for a few days now than to push myself too hard that I make myself sick or hurt myself.

I don't know yet what is going on. Is it PMS symptoms and if I just give it a few days it'll go away? Am I really not eating enough? Am I going too hard and I need to take more than my usual rest day?

The symptoms are all consistent with not eating enough. But the symptoms are all consistent with PMS too. In interest of figuring this out… I have changed my MFP goal from losing 2 pounds a week to losing 1.5 pounds a week. That gives me a few extra calories to play with… although I didn't use them on Monday. I figure I'll try upping the calories just a little and see how it does for me. By the end of the week… I'll be past that TOM and should have a better idea of what's going on.

Make Your Legs Your B*tch!

This completely relates back to my most recent post about finding out what you are capable of.
Things I've learned since working out #3327: It is a very emotional thing when you realize exactly how powerful your mind is. When you realize your mind can totally control your body.

On Saturday, I did my first day of Week 4 in C25K. It called for 3 and 5 minute runs with only 90 seconds or 2.5 minutes of walk time afterward (respectively).

Sooo... funny story. You know I love to find little gems on Pinterest… especially weight loss or fitness related. Well, I found one that said something like "I took my inner bitch out for a run." Yeah… in my mind that totally got convoluted. And on Saturday morning when I was pulling out all my mantras to get me through the runs… I could have sworn that what that really said was "I made my legs my bitch and took them out for a run." I was really quite disappointed when I got back on Pinterest  and found out what it really said!

But I'll tell you… my convoluted version worked. In my mind, I kept talking to my body like that… like it was my bitch and it was going to do whatever the hell I told it too. And it was gonna LIKE it! And you know… I made it through. I kept going... keeping my times in sync with the program the whole time. It was a challenge… for sure! It's never been easy. But each time I've been able to do it.

I started thinking about that on my way home from the gym that morning. I realized that with the times set up that way… That morning, (if I didn't count my 5 minute warm up and cool down) I had officially spent more time jogging than I had walking. That blew my mind. Who would have ever freaking guessed that I would be doing that? I am still over 250 pounds (252.5 as of last weigh in). If I would have listened to my sister, I wouldn't have even started jogging until I was about 20-30 pounds lighter than I am now. Because according to her… running is hard on your knees when you are this big. But anyway… as I was saying, it blew my mind. I would never have guessed I'd be doing that right now. But I did. And I can assure you the only reason I was able to is because my brain was calling the shots. I try to zone out and get lost in the music I'm listening to. I try to pay attention to the shows on TV screens (they've got closed captioning on, so I can follow along even though I'm not plugged into it). But I swear, the longest I've been able to run so far without looking at my time to see how much longer I have… is 20 seconds. And each time, I can hardly believe it. It's only been 20 seconds? Surely that had to at least be a full minute! How the hell am I supposed to go for 5 minutes!? But I dig in. And I make my legs my bitch. And I finish those 5 minutes. Not because it was just that easy that my body just felt like it could run forever. Not even that I managed to get lost in a TV show and the time went by so quickly. No, I did it because I freaking made myself do it! And realizing that… that my mind was powerful enough to totally control my body… was amazing. And I almost started crying right there in the car on my way home (and I don't live very far from the gym!).

I shared my feelings with my fitpals on MFP and one them made this comment…. "you have lived inside a body that now has changed, not by itself, but by you. And now you are exceeding beyond anything you probably thought possible… I'm sure I would be a bit emotional as well. Let it out…" I thought her comment was so beautiful and so poignant. "you have lived inside a body that has now changed, not by itself, but by you." There is something spiritual about that to me. I couldn't help but wish I would have discovered this 7 years ago. I could have saved myself so much heartache!

But as it is… I will remember this now. And move forward. (Trying really hard) Remembering that I can do whatever the hell I decide to. Remembering that it is ME that calls the shots. Not my body. I can't go back 7 years ago and change that. But I can move forward now remembering that great truth and make even more progress. Marathon, anyone? :-)