This completely relates back to my most recent post about finding out what you are capable of.
Things I've learned since working out #3327: It is a very emotional thing when you realize exactly how powerful your mind is. When you realize your mind can totally control your body.
On Saturday, I did my first day of Week 4 in C25K. It called for 3 and 5 minute runs with only 90 seconds or 2.5 minutes of walk time afterward (respectively).
Sooo... funny story. You know I love to find little gems on Pinterest… especially weight loss or fitness related. Well, I found one that said something like "I took my inner bitch out for a run." Yeah… in my mind that totally got convoluted. And on Saturday morning when I was pulling out all my mantras to get me through the runs… I could have sworn that what that really said was "I made my legs my bitch and took them out for a run." I was really quite disappointed when I got back on Pinterest and found out what it really said!
But I'll tell you… my convoluted version worked. In my mind, I kept talking to my body like that… like it was my bitch and it was going to do whatever the hell I told it too. And it was gonna LIKE it! And you know… I made it through. I kept going... keeping my times in sync with the program the whole time. It was a challenge… for sure! It's never been easy. But each time I've been able to do it.
I started thinking about that on my way home from the gym that morning. I realized that with the times set up that way… That morning, (if I didn't count my 5 minute warm up and cool down) I had officially spent more time jogging than I had walking. That blew my mind. Who would have ever freaking guessed that I would be doing that? I am still over 250 pounds (252.5 as of last weigh in). If I would have listened to my sister, I wouldn't have even started jogging until I was about 20-30 pounds lighter than I am now. Because according to her… running is hard on your knees when you are this big. But anyway… as I was saying, it blew my mind. I would never have guessed I'd be doing that right now. But I did. And I can assure you the only reason I was able to is because my brain was calling the shots. I try to zone out and get lost in the music I'm listening to. I try to pay attention to the shows on TV screens (they've got closed captioning on, so I can follow along even though I'm not plugged into it). But I swear, the longest I've been able to run so far without looking at my time to see how much longer I have… is 20 seconds. And each time, I can hardly believe it. It's only been 20 seconds? Surely that had to at least be a full minute! How the hell am I supposed to go for 5 minutes!? But I dig in. And I make my legs my bitch. And I finish those 5 minutes. Not because it was just that easy that my body just felt like it could run forever. Not even that I managed to get lost in a TV show and the time went by so quickly. No, I did it because I freaking made myself do it! And realizing that… that my mind was powerful enough to totally control my body… was amazing. And I almost started crying right there in the car on my way home (and I don't live very far from the gym!).
I shared my feelings with my fitpals on MFP and one them made this comment…. "you have lived inside a body that now has changed, not by itself, but by you. And now you are exceeding beyond anything you probably thought possible… I'm sure I would be a bit emotional as well. Let it out…" I thought her comment was so beautiful and so poignant. "you have lived inside a body that has now changed, not by itself, but by you." There is something spiritual about that to me. I couldn't help but wish I would have discovered this 7 years ago. I could have saved myself so much heartache!
But as it is… I will remember this now. And move forward. (Trying really hard) Remembering that I can do whatever the hell I decide to. Remembering that it is ME that calls the shots. Not my body. I can't go back 7 years ago and change that. But I can move forward now remembering that great truth and make even more progress. Marathon, anyone? :-)
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